Today I did something good for once. Shocking, I know. I helped out at a carnival for the less fortunate in a sketchy part of town. So a homeless carnival.
Yes, very out of character for me.
And I dubbed this carnival… HOBOPALOOZA.But I feel good about it. Kelan (best friend) told me to go with him even though we’re both atheist little fuckers.
And I feel really good about my actions. We worked generic carnival games in the parking lot of a food kitchen, and I played translator for a few of the Spanish speaking families.
The shining moment for me was one that brought to my attention how fortunate I am, and how much this carnival means to the attendees. A few Hispanic boys around the age of 9 had been hanging around my booth and talking to me since I was the only person working a booth who wasn’t white as snow. A raffle was being held at the end of the carnival with a good few prizes to hand out, including a nice set of tools. The oldest boy, about 12, told me that he had entered the raffle in hopes of winning the set of tools to give to his dad for a Fathers’ Day gift.
It really touched me.
He won the tools, and I was really happy to see that he did. It was a good reality check for me, and it showed me the importance of the work I was doing, even if I was just working a face painting booth.
The carnival was really what I needed to cheer up after a bad set of events unfolded on Thursday.
Katie had a bad run in with Child Protective Services at school concerning her home life at her mom’s house right where I live. (She no longer lives there full-time, only every other weekend) CPS made it clear that she was never allowed to return to that household, and that her father’s house where she now lives was under scrutiny for the possibility of seizing Katie.
Her father’s house is a very safe environment, and their only reasoning for wishing to take her was that her father allowed her to return on a regular basis to a dangerous environment.
(NOTE: I will not be revealing the reasons for Katie’s previous home being deemed unsafe, because it is private business. No one likes to think or talk about it, and all I’ll say is that it was really fucking ugly.)
After CPS called Katie’s dad, we found out that they won’t be taking her, but that if she came back to her mom’s again, they would. Katie’s dad’s house is only about 15 minutes away from where I live, so I’d rather travel a little bit than lose her permanently.
Katie took it very maturely and calmly, and I really can’t explain how much I respect her for that. She’s easily one of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest.
I… I love Katie. I know that I’m young, impulsive, and stupid. But Goddammit, I just know that there’s something special here. I had a relationship end in November that lasted 13 months, and turned into an extremely unhealthy situation.
After suffering through that, I know that what I have with Katie is different. It’s a good thing. And we want it to stay as it is, because it’s working out wonderfully for us.
I didn’t take the CPS situation very well, which is even more embarrassing seeing that Katie actually dealt with it better than I did.
I fucking flipped out. I bawled for a good hour. I was terrified she was going to be gone. I was so, so scared. I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings, so I did what I did know.
I’m still not a very good artist, but I did a bit of work I liked. Things I painted included:
“Justice is a contextual word.”
“Divided, we fall. United, the government tears us apart and calls it justice.”
Stick person with a bomb for a head (with lit fuse) saying, “I believe in our government.”
Faggy anti-establishment shit, but it’s what I was feeling.
I’ve since felt better about the situation, and got a grip on my emotions. I don’t think they’ll be taking Katie, and if they try, CPS will have to go through Hell and back to retrieve her.
When I cherish something, I don’t let it go easily.